Family Fun Friday, or That Time I Knew the Words Coming Out of My Mouth Were All Wrong But Damn if They Didn’t Come Out Anyway

I’ve been adding more diverse books to my kid’s shelves. He loves books, I love books, everyone is happy.

So tonight, we read Black All Around by Patricia Hubbell.

It’s a lovely book, highly recommend.

Lately, when reading before bed, Cole has a question about something on what feels like every single page. His curiosity is inspiring. I swear it’s endearing. No. Really, I LOVE being interrupted every four seconds.

So then we get to this page:

My Brain: Ohhhhhhhhh no. You know whats going to…..

Cole: Mommy, why is there a hole where her tooth should be?

Brain: QUICK! DANGER! MAKE SOMETHING UP!

My Mouth: Well, you see how my teeth are big? And yours are little? When you get bigger, your little teeth will fall out to make room for big kid teeth!

Cole: Extremely Distressed Facial Expression

Brain: What the ever loving fuck is wrong with you. That was soooo not age appropriate. Tell him you’re being silly.

Mouth: But you know what’s fun??? When you lose a tooth, you get to put it under your pillow and the Tooth Fairy will come and get it and leave you money!

Brain: HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT MONEY IS FOR, YOU RELENTLESS FOOL.

Cole: But she won’t come to my house. I don’t want to lose my teeth!

Brain: Okay, this is fine, just tell him he won’t lose his teeth and stick a really sturdy pin in this conversation.

Mouth: No way! It’s okay! It’s just part of getting bigger! You’ll have big boy teeth like Daddy!

Brain:

Cole: On the verge of tears. I don’t want to get big. I don’t want to lose my teeth. I want to stay little. I don’t want to eat any more food!

Brain:

Mouth: B… well…. s….

Brain: Yeah. This is definitely what you get when you regularly guilt trip your kid into eating his dinner by telling him it’s how he’ll get bigger like Daddy.

Mouth: But you have to keep eating! That’s how you get energy to play with your friends! I’ll totally send a message to the Tooth Fairy and tell her you want to keep your teeth. Does that help?

Cole: …………..yeeeeeaaahhh?

My Fingers: Rapidly texting husband that I’ve ruined everything.

Mouth: Dear Tooth Fairy, Cole would like to keep his teeth. No need to stop by here! Ever! Love, Tessa. There, all done, do you feel better?

Cole: Uh huh.

Brain: Phew. Well done!

Fingers: Turn page. Picture of a dark closet.

Brain: WH——-

Cole: Hey Mommy, are there monsters in her closet?

Brain: FOR THE LOVE

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